


Get In, Loser (We're Going Shopping)

by anuk_ite



Series: The Snark Verse [3]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, Rise of the Guardians (2012), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Coulson Lives, Gen, Hiccup is a Mutant, SHIELD uses Mean Girls quotes to prove identities, Snark Verse origins, The Author Regrets Nothing, Toothless is not a cat, everybody quotes Mean Girls shamelessly, sometimes he is though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anuk_ite/pseuds/anuk_ite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The letter read: </p>
<p><em>In order to prove your identity, you will say “Get in, loser, we’re going</em> shopping.”</p>
<p>Percy sighed. Of course a secret government agency would use <em>Mean Girls</em> quotes to prove people’s identities.</p>
<p>(Okay, he’ll admit he didn’t see <em>that</em> one coming.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get In, Loser (We're Going Shopping)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the beginning of something great!! -aka- the Sass Verse, where a bunch of hormonal teenage boys with hero complexes are brought to the Avengers Tower, and hilarity ensues.
> 
> I regret nothing.

Percy rifled through the mail, holding up an unmarked envelope with one hand. “Mom, do you know who could have sent this?”

“No idea, Percy,” Sally said.

He opened the letter, frowning when he realized that it was all in Greek.

_Perseus Jackson,_ it read.

_Pick up these people at the following addresses:_

_Peter Parker, XXth Street, house number XX._

_Hayden Haddock, XXth Street, house number XX._

_Jack Frost will meet you at Mr. Haddock’s house._

Percy cracked his neck contemplatively. Okay, this all made sense.

_In order to prove your identity, you will say “Get in, loser, we’re going_ shopping. _”_

Percy sighed. Of _course_ a secret government agency would use _Mean Girls_ quotes to prove people’s identities.

(Okay, he’ll admit he didn’t see _that_ one coming.)

The letter was signed with a neat _Agent Phil Coulson,_ and stamped with an official-looking black eagle, the letters SHIELD printed in military-style blocky font next to it.

Percy blinked – once, twice, shook his head, and then grabbed his red lifeguard hoodie and the keys to Paul’s Prius on his way out.

 

 

 

“Get in, loser, we’re going _shopping._ ”

Peter looked over the lip of the roof. A blue Prius idled in the street; the window was rolled down and a teenager no older than Peter himself stuck his head out the window.

“Shopping?” Peter asked, a bit slowly, and then he remembered the letter placed on his windowsill, all creepy and just _reeking_ of Secret Spy Agency.

“Yeah, I don’t know, either,” the boy said. “Let’s go, tell your aunt you’re going to your internship, all that.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get your thong in a twist.” Peter scampered off the roof, smirking at the other teen’s indignant _hey!_

 

 

 

“I want to do the thing,” Peter whined.

“Fine, whatever, Petey,” Percy said with a sigh. He rolled down his window. “Do the thing.”

“Get in, losers, we’re going _shopping!_ ” Peter said, with an appropriate squeal.

Someone slid into the backseat. Percy glanced in the rearview mirror – a white-haired teenage boy sat in the backseat, wearing a blue hoodie.

_Doesn’t it get a little warm in the summer?_ he asked himself, but shook off the thought as the door of the house he was watching slammed open.

A lanky brunette was practically thrown out onto the street by a massive dragon (okay, maybe it was a bit more of a strong push) and he clambered into the backseat, and had Percy not had so many near-death experiences, he would have been surprised.

But as it was, Percy was not surprised when the dragon hooked its tail around the doorknob and slammed the door shut. 

“Okay, here are the rules,” Percy said, looking away and shifting the car into gear. “No lighting the car on fire, no freezing it, no destroying it, try not to have mythical monsters land on it, the whole nine yards.”

“One question,” Hiccup said from the backseat, a cat curling across his shoulders. “Why _Mean Girls?_ ”

“I don’t know! Maybe it’s because they’ve got a big, fat, lesbian crush on you,” Peter said.


End file.
